By A.J. Guy
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port of Lloyd Harbor, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailin’ man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three-hour tour (a three-hour tour). I might be embellishing a bit, but not really that much.
The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed… Actually, Lloyd Harbor was calm that day, except for the occasional chop from a passing boat. If not for the courage of the fearless crew… Well, maybe not courage, more like dumb luck… the ‘Minnow’ would be lost (the ‘Minnow’ would be lost). In this case, the ‘Minnow’ was actually an unnamed 8-foot Walker Bay.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle… They didn’t actually set ground or even come close to reaching ground. The prop from the 2 ½ HP engine hit a rock by the Huntington Lighthouse. The pin designed to shear if it hit anything did just that, rendering the engine useless. Thus, the mighty crew of teenage boys, also known as Sam, Dave, and Brandon, had two choices. They could row back to where our boat was anchored, or float and hope the current would bring them back. I was in constant contact with them via a portable VHF radio, so I strongly suggested they start rowing back before the current brought them across the channel.
… With Gilligan, the Skipper too, the Millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan’s Isle. Well, the characters don’t all match up. My wife might be Ginger or Mary Ann, and each of us wanted to be the millionaire! Actually, all three of the boys soon resembled Gilligan, as we watched their every futile move through binoculars.
Now this is the tale of the castaways, they’re here for a long, long time, they’ll have to make the best of things, it’s an uphill climb! It certainly seemed all uphill, as it took them two hours to row back (primarily because they were going in circles at least half the time).
The first mate and the Skipper too, will do their very best, to make the others comfortable, in the tropic island nest. No phone, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury… like Robinson Crusoe, as primitive as can be. Maybe not primitive — they had the VHF radio, their cell phones, and two oars. Moreover, they were in swimming distance of multi-million dollar homes.
From this story, my friends, you’re sure to get a smile, from seven stranded castaways, here on “Gilligan’s Isle.” The take-away from this story (besides that I watch too much TV) is that while the boys had been given detailed instructions on how to row before they took off, I should have made them practice right alongside our boat. Only when I was convinced that they could row straight and true should I have let them head off. In addition, I probably should have reminded them to avoid rocks!
[Editor’s note: Apologies to Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle for this parody.]
